Why do I smell so bad?

If you’re a long-distance runner, you’ve probably asked yourself this question. Perhaps you’ve been asked by loved ones; my own darling is uncharacteristically indelicate when it comes to my musk after a long run.

I say long run because I’m not talking about the normal sweaty body smell that I have after 5 miles. I’m talking about the stench that I have after 20 miles in the sun. It’s entirely different from normal sweat. It’s like I’ve been bathing in vodka, like my sweat will kill bacteria and remove stubborn grass stains.

I never thought much of it. This is what my body does when it’s been pushed to the limit. It wasn’t until I came across this article on Kevin Sayer’s site that I found out that this is an indicator of something unusual.

When we go on long (long, long) runs, we deplete the glycogen stores in our livers. Dehydration, excessive strain, and low carb intake speed up this process. Eventually the body no longer can rely on carbohydrates for energy, so it turns to the fat we’ve built up. This state is called ketosis. Ketones are produced as a waste product of fat-burning, and this acid starts to pollute your blood. It’s not dangerous (see here) until the ketone levels get too high, when their acidity can damage organs. Even a slightly elevated level of ketone, however, can cause muscle damage (Eades). It’s one of the reasons why elite runners tend to be disgustingly skinny.

Exhibit A: Paul Amey, kickass triathlete

If there’s a lesson in this, it’s to eat your GU– and please, never run long mileage on a low-carb diet. Americans have developed the idea that carbohydrates are bad and fat must be lost. But runners particularly need slow-burning carbs, and plenty of them, if they want to recover quickly and minimize muscle loss.

And not stink. That too.

Ever hear of a Stretch Armstrong? It was a toy man whose appendages could stretch crazy far and, when released, return to their regular length. It was a pretty sweet toy, until stretched too far; thus abused, it would spill its innards out on the youth who dared test its limits. At this point the young man would find his hands coated in a strange mixture of goo and sand that smelled faintly of regret.

This is my rather long-winded way of describing the consistency of GU, the leading line of energy gels. If I had split open a Stretch Armstrong and devoured its viscera, I imagine the experience would be similar to eating GU.

The full line-up.

I’m writing about this product because it’s offered on the course of my upcoming ultra. Hearing that it takes some getting used to, I decided to try out the energy gel during today’s 20-miler. And, despite the ghoulish scene above, the results pleased me. I felt like GU helped maintain high energy throughout my run. It also seemed to ward off the slack feeling I sometimes get in my legs.

In short, I’m glad they’re offered on the course of my race. 40 miles into it, I’ll probably be sucking these packets down like pixie sticks. That is, if I can get past the texture.